02/09/2010 again
The 'Best of Penn says: Religion' DVD is now available at Amazon!

02/09/2010
I can't access my fan page on Facebook again! I'm getting a little bit ticked off about it.

Anyway, one of my friends posted an update about Lucilio Vanini, a really good-looking Italian guy (if the picture on his coin is accurate) born in 1585. He was an atheist and dared to say so, even after being forced to write a book condemning atheism. And for his trouble he had his tongue cut out, was strangled at the stake, and burned. He was tortured and murdered by Christians on February 9, 1619.

So, I hereby declare Feb. 9 as Vanini Remembrance Day. I wish I could have had his love child.

02/08/2010
I created a contact form for the website and this blog. I guess it's pretty rudimentary, but it's what I could figure out with my limited knowledge of FrontPage (and I still needed my husband's help).

I already got a comment! How cool is that? My reader said, basically, that God let's us pray, even for little things. We have to be quiet and wait for the answer. Of course, sometimes that answer is no.

You really have to hand it to the religious! They have rationalized the crap out of their beliefs.

If you pray, and you get what you pray for: Yay, God! God is GREAT! Just look at the awesome power of prayer! See how that is proof that God exists and loves us?

If you pray, and you don't get what you want, the answer was no. Yay, God! God is GREAT! Just look at the awesome power of prayer! See how that is proof that God exists and loves us?

Uh-huh. Right. Okay.

As to my friend's cell phone. I guess the answer was a big, fat NO. It died. She has to get a new one. And not one word about the miracle or the fact that all that praying did diddly squat. Do you have ANY idea how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut on Facebook about that? Near impossible, let me tell you!

I mean, after the relapse I really wanted to know what happened to the miracle? Don't God's miracles stick? Was she supposed to continue praying? Or did she not express enough gratitude or something? If not, why didn't she just admit that there was no miracle, after all?

Or is it that all this prayer, god, and miracle talk is just so much a part of some people's vernacular that they don't even listen to what they're saying. Maybe her "prayers" were just her being upset about her phone and hoping it would be okay. Maybe when her silly friends said they'd pray too, they didn't really. Maybe just saying they will is an expression of concern and compassion.

That would be odd. But I'm wondering if that's the way it is...

So, now you don't have to email me your comments and risk me sending back a nasty response. (I'll just give a nasty response here or on the comments page!) If you want me to email you, include your name and email address and I might just do that. If you do not want me to publish that information, tell me and I won't, UNLESS you are rude, hateful, and insulting. Then I might just do it anyway. But I'm not especially out to hurt anyone, so I likely will honor your wishes even so.

02/05/2010
Well, my poor friend's phone had a relapse and she's (I
s%^& you not) asking for everyone to pray for her phone?

How do you people expect me to take this god thing seriously and stop picking on you when you do stuff like this?

How about we pray for the children dying of cancer? How about we pray for children being beaten and sexually abused? How about we pray for people suffering and wasting away toward death?

You want people to PRAY for your STUPID PHONE??????

And the worst part is that people are actually responding with promises to pray for the damn thing. Can people be any dumber?

And so much for the miracle! I guess God's grace doesn't adhere very well to iphones.

Speaking of dumb. Citizens of the great bastion of common sense and logic, the state of Georgia (I know, too funny, right?), can rest easier these days. The Georgia senate has passed a bill banning the implantation microchips in Georgia brains without consent--no matter what the Georgian's age. Whew. I feel better now. Wouldn't want those Georgians to get implanted and start doing the bidding of the evil master government or something. How horrible would that be?

You all know what this is really about, don't you? It's about religion and the Bible. According to Rapture Christ God's going to rescue all the true Christians before the forced implants go in, so I really don't see what the fuss is about. And it just seems to me that all the true Christians would be up in arms over the Georgia senate's legislation. Aren't they just attempting to forestall Armageddon and thwart God's will? Shouldn't God smite them or something?

02/04/2010
One of my friends on facebook posted this:
"I have a Miricle [sic] to report! Seriously! I prayed and prayed about my iphone. I couldn't wait any longer to check it, so about 20 minutes ago I tried to turn it on and......Its [sic] now working! I did have to use a needle to pick out a piece of rice that was stuck in the charging port. Thank you Lord for caring about my cell phone!"

Where to start....
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, what an idiot, right? I mean, it was the rice that did it. But farther down on my page I found that she'd dropped her phone in a glass of water, so I don't know where the heck she picked up the piece of rice, and it being in the charging port probably wouldn't affect the phone.

But...is she serious? Is she seriously trying to tell us that GOD healed her iphone? God couldn't save the hundreds of children kidnapped, raped, and murdered each year, or the thousands starving and dying of dysentery, or the people of Haiti....but he cares enough to heal your iphone? I just can't get over the bizarre-ness of that.

If suffering and dying is somehow all part of the plan and gives us the opportunity to do good deeds, why isn't having to fork over mulah to buy a new iphone after you carelessly dropped it into a glass of water not an opportunity for a lesson?

Although, tell me what good deed you can do when a little girl dies of cancer? How does her suffering do anyone any good at all? What? It lets you take meals to her family? Give me a break.

But God will heal your iphone if you pray about it.

You know what, that's just disgusting.

02/03/2010 not again!
When I post more than once or twice in one day, I can safely say that I've learned a valuable lesson. Today's lesson is this: always continue to be polite, and attempt to find common ground and acceptance.

I imagine that anyone reading this blog over the last several years might think I only encountered crazy/mean Christians. And I can see why they would think that. Those are the kinds I like to poke fun at and talk about. I have, a few times at least, reminded my readers that I know a lot of kind, loving, decent people in all sorts of faiths, including Christianity. Most of my family is made up of Christians and most of them are better people than I am.

But, when you're an outspoken atheist, you do tend to get some crazy emails from some angry people. And it's too easy, really, to make assumptions, when you get another one, about that particular person and what might be going on for them.

I'm really glad that my fellow Zumba instructor, who I introduced you to earlier, and I continued our dialogue. For one thing, I found out she's nice and normal. Unfortunately, I found that out just after I posted my blog about her email. (What a snarky brat I am.)

She was not happy about that, let me tell you. Fur was flying. But I think we have come to some kind of understanding. She wants me to let you know she'd had too much cough syrup when she wrote to me and might have a been a tad condescending. And, she said she did not mean that I would know the truth after I died (and would consequently get to BURN in HELL--muwahahahaha). No. She meant that she believes that her god will manifest himself to me at some point in my life. I assume she believes that will happen for all infidels. I mean, I'm not so special, right?

I have the greatest idea for another blog about just that very thing! But I've written too much for one day, so I'll leave it for another very soon.

Oh, and she also wants everyone to know that there is a third option for why Christians misspell so many words and use poor grammar when they write hate mail:

3. They're typing on their cell phones under the influence of cough syrup.

You heard it here folks. Never assume anything about anybody until you've exchanged at least five emails. Not to say we're the best of friends, but I wouldn't slug her or anything if I saw her in person. (Not that I'd slug anyone. Really. Really, I hit like a girl.)

I've added a LOT of mail in the last day or so. I put at least one under every heading except the "sanity" group. (Figures.) And I finally added back in some of the blog archives. I think I know where to find the really old stuff, but that will have to wait for another time.

02/03/2010 addendum
The vast majority of insulting emails that atheists and atheist organizations receive are riddled with spelling and grammar errors. Why is that? Is it because:

1. The majority of people who write hate mail are poorly educated? Or is it:

2. When people write hate mail they are so upset that they make a lot of mistakes?

02/03/2010
Well, the Zumba world is at it again. A fellow instructor actually used the Zumba website "contact an instructor" function to send me a personal insult. (Yes, you too can insult me using the Zumba company! Just go to the website and search for me. It'll be fun!)

I suppose I wouldn't have minded if the insult was something along the lines of: "You can't keep time." or maybe, "You really shouldn't wear that when you teach." But no. It was about this website.

She said, "I just wanted to tell you how sad I am for you that you have to devote alot [sic] of time and effort into convincing people there is no God. What an utterly un-fulfilling thing that must be. I will sincerly [sic] being [sic] praying for you."

First of all, of course, 'a lot' is two words and not one. And sincerely is 'ey'. And 'being' is just wrong. Now that the grammarian in me is content.

Why do Christians have to insult you before they say they'll pray for you? As if the praying will make up for the fact that they felt so much animosity they had to send you an email to tell you how sad they are for you and how 'unfulfilled' you must be.

She goes on (naturally): "I also find it extremly [sic]hypocritical [sic] of you that you accuse us of being close minded [sic] when YOU, yourself [sic] are so close minded [sic] about there being no God. One day, you will know the truth."

And there's the threat. There's always the threat, isn't there? One day, oh, one day, when you die, you will find out how wrong you are and BURN in HELL. That's really what she wanted to say, you know. That's really what they all want to say. BURN in HELL you HERETIC.

But instead, they offer you subtle insults and threaten you and then promise to pray for you. What would they pray about, I wonder?

Dear Lord, please protect Dianna when she teaches her Zumba class. Please watch out for her and her family and keep them safe. Please help her to see that I am really a nice person, despite the fact that I insulted her, used really poor grammar, and misspelled a lot of words in my email.

Nope. I can't imagine they'd pray something like that. I'm thinking, let me see...

Dear Lord, please make everyone believe in you so I feel better about talking to myself. He he. Right. Atheists wish.

So, you remember my high school reunion? If you've been reading long enough, you do. They always have to pray at my high school reunion. What IS it with Christians and this incessant need to make everyone in a room full of diverse people bow their heads and beseech their deity?

Do they just not stop and think? Yes, I would like to think that that's all it is. There's no intent to convert, or force infidels to take part. They just want to pray. And they just want everyone to pray with them. I can feel the spirit, yes I can.

However, if that were really true, once they learned that such prayer makes nonbelievers and people of other faiths feel uncomfortable, you'd think they'd stop doing it, right? But they don't. They just keep doing it. And that is why I guess I'm totally wrong! It's not at all about feeling in the spirit of good will and wanting to embrace their God and pray with a whole bunch of people (which, as I said, I get...I mean, there was just nothing--no thing--cooler than attending the Freedom From Religion Foundation's non-prayer breakfast and taking part in the Moment of Bedlam! Hundreds of atheists making noise. You just had to be there!)

But no. When they know it bothers other people and they do it anyway, they're doing it for one reason only: arrogance. This is a Christian nation, they like to say. The majority of us are Christians, and god-damn-it, we're going to pray to our god whether you like it or not. And you should really just stand there, bow your damn head, and be quiet while we do it. If you don't like it, just leave! Leave the reunion you paid to get into and be last in line for the buffet! Or leave the convention you paid a whole hell of a lot to attend and miss what comes next! Just get the hell out of our Christian country (that's what they really want to say, no doubt. Heck they DO say that!)

That is the loving (NOT), kind (NOT), hopeful (NOT), tolerant (NOT) Christian attitude that I am, unfortunately, most often confronted with. They turn their prayers into weapons. They turn their "I'll pray for you" into a weapon. They absolutely turn their "Merry Christmas" into a weapon.

They're mean-spirited people. And I'm pretty sick of it. I was to the point where I was tired of writing about them and their behavior. I only wrote about the Zumba Christians before because I thought it was so funny...and hypocritical. But now I see that I must continue to harp on the disconnect between who they (and their more liberal allies) say they are, and who they really are. I will continue to expose their behavior here...and take the heat. (LOL. Get it? Take the heat? He he he)
 

01/26/10
Read "Haiti and the hypocrisy of Christian theology" by Richard Dawkins. Man, I love that guy. He can skewer nonsensical thinking better than anybody. It's always fun to read the comments he elicits, too. Are people THAT stupid? How can you read something and then let everybody know you have know clue what you just read?

People can be so stupid; it boggles.

I'm off to a writers' conference this weekend. Prepared for the usual: What have you published? And the inevitable responses that follow. Quizzical looks, pauses before exiting, turning away, gasps, that sort of thing. Funny thing is, there are quite a number of atheists in the room every year. I'm just not a good little keep-it-to-yourself atheist, I guess.

There are few atheists who are upset that the new Darwin movie didn't get a larger distribution. Are you kidding me? Are there any explosions or car chases in it? Is it a funny romance? Does it have any famous actors in it? Does it have a dramatic, suspenseful story that keeps you on the edge of your seat? No? And yet you still think every theater in the country should run it just because you want to see it? Do you not understand business at all?

Then we have the "Friendly Atheist" who claims that Indiana Christians oppose a bill that would help children, clearly attempting to cast them as neglectful of the welfare of children. I hate it when people do that.

I remember when my youngest went to a charter school. It was owned by a woman who one time told me that the Pledge was a non-issue because it could only offend atheists and how many of them could there be, right? She obviously didn't know who she was talking to.

Anyway, there was some scuffle in the school board; apparently they were trying to tighten the rules for charter schools. And this woman says, "And they claim to care about the education of our children!"

To her, if you didn't agree with HOW children should or could be educated, you didn't care about their education at all.

So, the Indiana Christians must be heartless child abusers for not wanting the government to step in and regulate church day care centers. This is typical of liberal atheists, though. More government in our lives. More control. They think they can force people to be tolerant of others by forcing them to hire people they don't want to hire.

In this case, of course, the government wants church day cares to hire only so-called "qualified" people...by the government's standards, of course. That's really rich, when you think about it.

It seems to me that churches feel they should be outside government intrusion, because of separation of church and state and all. Yes, as long as this "separation" thing works in their favor, they're all for it. But when it doesn't--when, say, people want them to get their religion out of public schools, oh, well then, there's no such thing.

I digress.

Just because churches don't want the government telling them who is qualified to work in their day care centers (because next the government will be telling them they have to hire gays and atheists, for god's sake!), doesn't mean they don't care about children. To even hint that they don't in your title is just weak.

On a happier note, the Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Doodlee under the great Doodler, has seen fit to bless us with proof of her existence by exposing her likeness on a potato chip. Gotta love these deities. They really know how to yank stupid people's chains.

01/12/10
Great quote in the LTE, "Don't push your religion on others," under "Religion" in the news:

"There are a lot of Christians who feel persecuted for talking about their beliefs in public. The editorial displayed some of those feelings when the author asked, 'How can there exist such virulent anti-Christian venom in a majority Christian nation?' There isn't 'anti-Christian venom'; there is anti-proselytizing venom."

01/04/10
Okay, sensitive subject time. I'm not sure about the ethics here...if I should or even can discuss this. I guess I'll have to leave out some important information. Hehehe.

There's this new aerobic sensation out there, you may have heard about it. It's called Zumba. Zumba uses Latin rhythms and a LOT of booty shaking. Some of the younger, more, shall we say, fit instructors add a level of spicy to their classes that make them sizzle and draw men (and women because there are some smokin' hot guy instructors out there) like flies.

The music used is often reggaeton, kind of like Latin hip-hop, with very suggestive lyrics and cursing. But this is all okay, because Zumba is fresh and young and hip and nobody really cares. They just want to dance.

Well, somewhere--and I'm not saying where--somebody started up a discussion with: How do you use Zumba to glorify God? And a bunch of these Christians started talking about what songs they use and whether or not they tone down the booty shaking. Most of them seem to think the booty shaking is just fine with the big guy.

And my thinking is very simple: if you think hip circles and body rolls glorify God, you're reading the wrong book. Don't get me wrong. If these were people who were very liberal and worshiped, maybe, the UU god or something, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. But these were people who were saying the US was founded on Christianity and who were upset about people complaining that bringing religion into your fitness class might not be a good idea, while apparently it's okay to offend Christians with bad language and dissin' the big guy's son.

I almost--almost--joined the conversation at that point to clue that person in on the difference between religion and moral sensibilities, but I knew it would land on deaf ears (read closed mind).

But I can say it here.

We can be careful not to bring religion into parts of our lives in which we know not everyone is a believer. This only makes sense. People come to your class for a workout, not a prayer. But if the music you use in your class and the moves you do with your body offend someone, that is their problem to deal with. If Zumba was a Christian workout, I could see what the complaint is. But if Zumba was a Christian workout, it wouldn't be any fun.

You can't go around all day complaining when someone curses by saying they've offended you as a Christian. That's just ridiculous. And we live in a free society, where I can denounce your religion and make fun of your god. If you're offended, okay, go away and stop listening.

But none of that makes it okay for you to bring your religion into a secular class that I have paid for anymore than it would be okay for me to denounce your god in that class. Doesn't that make any sense at all?

Well, then they started talking about a song we use that appeared to be Christian! The lyrics they could understand were very religious. This is a popular song, but it is approved, shall we say, by Zumba.

My first thought was, ick. I don't think I want to use that song. It sounded so overtly religious that it could offend someone, given that they could understand Spanish. But, as it turns out, the song is a Santeria cleansing chant.

And I'm sorry to say that made me giggle with pleasure. What are they going to do now? Are they going to glorify God and stop using that song?

Somehow I don't think so. Somehow, I think they're hypocrites.

01/01/10
Another year around the sun! The Solstice holidays are finished, I feel full and fat, and we're starting all over again.

Something strange happened to me in the last week of 2009. I'm so embarrassed, I can't tell you. Seriously. I realized that I was still struggling with a hurt that was about ten years old! How does that happen?

I guess I've been very wrapped up in my immediate family and only dealing with those issues that I was able to deal with. I honestly didn't realize that an old problem was still bugging me until I made an arse of myself in my blog about it.

Not that I'm a stranger to making an arse of myself. Naturally.

So, I think I'm over it now. I mean, really, really over it. A lot of that has to do with the very kind and forgiving behavior of the other parties involved. (You know I don't mean myself. I'm not even sure I know what kindness looks like on my face.)

So, here we are on the first day of a brand new year. (Cue hubby in the background: "You know all the numbers are just man-made and therefore meaningless." Yeah, yeah, okay. But the tilt of the earth and the seasons and the renewal every year must mean something!?)

So, I feel renewed myself, and rejuvenated.

I'm going back to teaching Zumba and I have a weekly class, plus a half share in a Saturday rotation at a local gym. I am SO excited to be back! But being back has made me pull in a little with the atheism activism. This has happened before, so for me, it's a no-brainer.

I took the "Atheism is Myth-understood" sticker off my car and exchanged all of my atheism stickers for others that mean just as much to me, but aren't quite so in-your-face. Many of you may consider this some kind of cop-out, or compromise; but I don't think I agree.

It's one thing to be an atheist, to live free of dogma, to embrace science and the unknown, and to be honest with others about that, and quite another to broadcast it everywhere you go.

I mean, look at it this way. The religious people that I respect the most don't have Jesus fish on their cars. They certainly wouldn't put anti-atheist or homophobic emblems on their cars. And they don't talk about God and Jesus all the time, every time I see them.

So, I don't see how I am compromising by recognizing that it's not a good idea to insult people while I'm on my way into the gym to teach Zumba.

So, my new bumper stickers are:
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." And:
"I'm feeling much better since I gave up all hope."

I still have my FSM, of course. And she [uh, yeah, I said SHE] says tons about what I think about religion and religious people in a way that most wouldn't even understand. It's like a fabulous private joke riding on the back of my van.

THE NEWS
(Archive)